Moving On

I “lost” my first close friend some time in 2008 or 2009. It was basically over a series of situations wherein she didn’t like how I handled them and instead of being a good friend, work mentor and an “ate” (if you will), she chose not to speak with me over issues—basically not to speak with me ever. But my first heartbreak over a friend did not start there. Maybe because I had been putting her at bay, feeling some negativity about her (and I was right).

My first heartbreak over a friend started in 2012. It was because she couldn’t come home for a huge life event of mine.  She said she couldn’t take some time off work—it broke my heart. I snapped a line at her, something about how I can’t really empathize with her situation since I figured I’d always put things (and people) that matter over work. But what broke my heart more, was when I finally cooled off and messaged her, she didn’t reply anymore. And just like that, I was cut off from her life. We were really close: our friendship started in high school. She chose to end our ten-year friendship then in just a snap. 

It was late when I realized that three years after, I did the very same thing to another person. At that time, I thought about how she could betray me, even if we went through a lot together. When I finally realized I did the same thing that hurt me a lot, it was really necessary—and okay. 

I mourn every person I lose. Some loss hurt me more than others, but nonetheless I mourn them all. I treat all my friends like family—maybe even more, since my family doesn’t exactly have a very open relationship. And so each one I lost seemingly hits me in the gut. But then I’ve accepted the fact that losing people is part of life. I hate that fact, actually. But I reluctantly agree that it’s part of adulthood, and that sometimes it is necessary to keep you sane, or maybe help you live a happier life. Sometimes you just have to accept that a person had been part of your life for a reason. No one is meant to stay forever—either they leave you, or you leave them, through one way or another. You just have to enjoy every moment while you still can.